What makes you happy? What sparks joy in your life? When I look at the ocean or a lake, I feel happy! Yet happiness is not a place. It can come & go, like a wave!
How do you define happiness? In my workshop Happier Living, we reflect on our definitions and perceptions of happiness. We review the keys to happier living based on scientific research relating to happiness and we also address the limits of pursuing an individual approach to happiness. In addition, we discuss ways to broaden our understanding of resiliency and talk about why “bounce back” doesn’t work for everyone and what we can do about it. We also explore strategies to inspire flourishing – feeling good & positive functioning for sustainable well-being!
In addition, we chat about our happiness set-point. Research has found that no matter what happens in our life, many of us return to a fixed range of happiness. While there are natural ups and downs in life, we have a tendency to come back to our familiar range of happiness. Of course there are exceptions. For example, some people struggle to bounce back after serious trauma. Yet more and more we hear fascinating stories of people returning to a set range of happiness after a series of negative events. Cancer survivors sometimes report a feeling of awakening that brings them back to the level of happiness that they experienced before the diagnosis.
I first learned about this happy range when I was a kid. I was in a wheelchair at the hospital for a month. Post-surgery I felt below my comfortable range of happiness. Yet gradually I came back to my happy set-point. I had another surgery as an adult and in the hospital, I did not feel happy. Coming home with a catheter for 6 weeks was challenging. After the catheter finally came out, initially I felt below my baseline of happiness. Over time though, I returned to my familiar set-point with the intention to increase my upper limit.
On the other hand, people who experience big break throughs, often find a way to sabotage their success; soon after they get into an argument or have an accident or get sick to bring them back to the happy set-point they are comfortable with. Within a year, lottery winners tend to return to the same level of happiness that they experienced before the win. After attaining higher levels of success, we can unconsciously create drama to prevent us from enjoying our enhanced success. Our happy set-point has a tendency to remain the same unless we make an intentional effort to change it.
Positive psychology suggests we have a genetically determined predisposition (up to 50%) for our average happiness level, with 10% based on circumstances, and 30-40% from intentional, daily actions and choices allowing for long-term improvements of our baseline. Some people critique this view as it can oversimplify the complexity of well-being. For example, there are systemic, cultural, and socioeconomic factors that influence well-being. Despite these critiques, we can stay curious and open to the possibilities of increasing our upper limit of happiness.
In my workshops on happier living, we share ideas on how to reprogram our happy range to a higher state of well-being. We focus on awareness and an inner state of well-being that isn’t dependent on external circumstances. Instead of returning to the zone of happiness where we feel comfortable and safe, we explore strategies to change this pattern. We set intentions to consciously practice letting ourselves enjoy moments of happiness for an extended period of time. We open to allow that wave of happiness to last longer and invite more frequent waves of happiness into our lives. Instead of peaking then dropping, we reflect on ways to ride that wave of happiness and keep it higher than our norm, learning to catch ourselves when we upper limit and recommit to sustain our happy moment longer each time we rise above our upper range.
As an educator, I greatly value the interactive parts of this workshop. The participant engagement makes the wellness session much more meaningful! I combine my presenter & facilitator skills. These are overlapping roles. Blending facilitation skills includes holding the space for the diverse knowledge, expertise and experiences of the participants in the room. The word happy, happiness and happier can be triggering. Just talking about happiness can make someone feel unhappy. I focus on talking with the participants, not at them. It’s important to me for everyone to feel comfortable sharing their own lived experiences around feeling happy or unhappy. Participants usually want to feel heard and seen, and when they share their stories and creative ideas they tend to feel more engaged. I do my best to create a safe space in which participants feel welcome to share their thoughts and feelings without judgement.
While leading interactive workshops, I pivot between delivering a message (presenter) and creating space for participant engagement (facilitator). As a presenter, I share the latest data. As a facilitator, I focus on involving the participants, asking questions, and leading interactive discussions. I am open to share some of my own experiences around happiness and at the same time I am guiding the workshop process. I encourage reflective conversation and acknowledge that I am learning too. I listen more than I speak and value each person’s input. I appreciate the variety of perspectives and we all learn from each other.
Each time I present, the workshop continues to evolve. Group dynamics change & new insights get shared. To be happy has a unique meaning for each of us. Sometimes I get the participants to break out into small groups or into pairs and ask each other several times, “What makes you happy?” The more times they respond, the more they get surprised by their answers.
There are frameworks that we can integrate to help get the conversation going. For example, the GREAT DREAM Ten Keys to Happier Living: Giving, Relating, Exercising, Awareness, Trying Out, Direction, Resilience, Emotions, Acceptance & Meaning. This includes doing kind things for others, connecting with people, taking care of our body, living life mindfully, learning new things, having goals to look forward, finding ways to bounce back, looking for what’s good & being comfortable with who we are. How do you feel about this?
Often at least one person will challenge the whole process of looking at the research related to happiness. The question is, do you really need data on what makes you happy? Can we not put more emphasis on our intuition? Are we not our own experts on the happiness in our lives? In my workshops, you have the opportunity to question and challenge research findings and to respectfully share what rings true for you! In addition to the latest findings related to happiness including the role of social connection & belonging, we consider each other’s input as well as our intuition and create practical action steps to support happier living!
Join my next workshop, Happier Living on Friday March 20th – the International Day of Happiness! This is being offered at 5pm in-person at a location in The Beaches, Toronto. Fill out this contact form to let me know your interest.
